Pretty Illusion

プリティ・イリュージョン


[in your room]

Fergus:

I apologize for intruding on your leisure time. Is this the room where Servant counseling sessions are held?

  1. We’re not open today…
  2. Yes? No?

[1] Fergus:

Hrm, I suspected so. Still, I must insist on a meeting. It’s an urgent matter.

[2] Fergus:

Ha ha ha. Master, your face tells me you want to deny it, but you know it’s too late to refuse!
I’m sure it must be trying to listen to the woes of your Servants day after day. I can guess how tired you might be.
But could you indulge me this time? It’s an emergency, you see.
Would you hear me out?

[later]

Fergus:

Ha ha ha, don’t be shy!
Battles are important, but I assign equal import to whispers of love in a woman’s ear.
Of course, I don’t intend to press reluctant women against their will. Just know that I want to persuade them verbally.

[Mash enters]

Mash:

Senpai, Senpai! I discovered ohagi in the Doctor’s bedroom!
And they are quite well-made. Let’s eat them before he finds out.
For science, of course. We need to investigate the mystery of how the Doctor found sweets during this food shortage…

Oh? Fergus?

Fergus:

Ho there, Mash. I also have a favor to ask of you.
The thing is…

[later]

Mash:

I understand. That’s a difficult problem.
After all, we’re fighting to prevent the destruction of mankind…
If you were to approach a Servant in the wrong way, it might turn into a fight to the death…

Fergus:

It’s quite a fix.
If I could at least distinguish between the Servants that would be acceptable to proposition or not…

Dr. Roman:

Hm. You can leave that part to me. But uh, why didn’t you come to me in the first place?
Oooh, hey! These ohagi look delicious. I’ll take one. *om nom nom*
Oh? These delicacies might even be worthy of my collection. Actually, aren’t these directly from-

Mash:

They’re Senpai’s ohagi!

  1. They’re Mash’s ohagi!

Dr. Roman:

You two get along well. Anyway, Sir Fergus.
The psychological profiles of a number of Servants are loaded in our virtual training system. They’re a tad mechanical, but they should respond if you talk to them.
You could try out your advances on them, and use what works on the real people. What do you think?
For science, of course. I’m personally interested in the results, too.

Fergus:

Hmm… that could be interesting. Let’s try it!

Mash:

Senpai, Senpai. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Fou:

Foh, foooh…

[Danger Room meadow]

Dr. Roman:

Okay, transmission confirmed. Are you ready to flirt with the first one?

Fergus:

Bring her on! I wonder what gushing maidens await me?

Mash:

…Um, Senpai? What’s a “gushing maiden” supposed to be?

Dr. Roman:

A beauty gushing between the legs, right? Oh, here she comes!

[Brynhildr appears]

Fergus:

Well, if it isn’t Brynhildr, the warrior maiden!
…No, wait wait wait.
If I’m not wrong, you had a lover. I’m not particularly fond of stealing married women…
Hm. I’m not fond of it, but that has no bearing on my desires.

Brynhildr. I want you. Would you spend a night with me?

Mash:

(A direct approach, to avoid misunderstanding, huh…?)

Brynhildr:

Ah… this troubles me. To have someone whisper their love to me, so honestly, so forthright…

Fergus:

Indeed.

Brynhildr:

I must kill you…

Fergus:

Indeed, I don’t get it, but there she goes! You have even worse issues than the Celts did!

Brynhildr:

Yes. I know not your name, but I thank you. Now, let us kill each other…

Fergus:

Forgive me, Gudao and Mash! I failed when I was only a step away!

Mash:

We can plainly see that! Good grief, Master. Prepare for combat!

[battle]

Mash:

That was horrible…

Fergus:

Ha ha ha! Life is hard for those who let a failure or two drag them down.
After all, life is but one night’s dream. If you don’t live it well, that is.

Dr. Roman:

How sagely… I’ve witnessed a teacher- no, a master in the art of flirting…
All right, Master Fergus! I’ll prep the next Servant!
It’ll be fine this time. I picked her because she looks like a lovely and peaceable sort!

Kiyohime:

……
……

Mash:

Senpai, Senpai! This one is right out.

Fergus:

I agree as well, but I’ve no choice before a beautiful woman! You there, noble lady from a foreign land!

Kiyohime:

……
……

Oh, me? Pardon me. What is it?

Fergus:

Hm. It only took me a glance to fancy you! So how about it? Would you spend a night with me?

Kiyohime:

……
……
Oh, dear. I wonder…

Mash:

Eh? Is there hope for him after all?

Fergus:

Heh heh heh. There’s merit in shamelessness as well.
I don’t mean to boast, but Fergus’ prowess with women is regarded quite highly-

Kiyohime:

Indeed? Did I hear you correctly?
Your “prowess with women?” In other words… adultery.

Fergus:

…Hm. Ha ha ha! Sorry! I appear to have stepped on a land mine, Master!

Dr. Roman:

Master Fergus!

Mash:

I knew it! These choices have all been disastrous!

Kiyohime:

Exterminate the adulterer! Eradicate the seducer!
Regret your sins in the pits of hell! Hissss!

[battle]

[in a camp]

Fergus:

Hmm. It didn’t go well. I hope a more compatible Servant shows up this time.

Mash:

Senpai, should we call it a day?

  1. MUDA MUDA MUDA!
  2. I don’t think this will work.

Mash:

Yes, I agree.

Fergus:

Ha ha ha! You’re a tough critic, Master. But don’t worry. These tents are a sign of the wild.
I’m sure any lady warriors here will be quite fierce.
I know the best way to persuade this type! Go ahead, Doctor!

Dr. Roman:

That unwavering heart of iron… That’s the hero Fergus for you!
Well, I’ve already figured that it’s hopeless too, and I’d like to get back to work. But I have high hopes for you this time!
The next Servant is…

Nightingale:

Huh?

Mash:

Time to run, Senpai.

  1. To the ends of the earth!

Fergus:

Oh, if it isn’t the nurse who was so helpful in America!

Nightingale:

I have no business with the uninjured. Please clear the way.

Fergus:

Don’t be a stranger. To tell you the truth… I’ve been stricken by a terrible illness.

Nightingale:

And what disease might that be?

Fergus:

It’s like a great void has opened in my breast…

Nightingale:

Pneumothorax? Or perhaps a heart defect?

Fergus:

Nothing like that. I’ve a sickness of the spirit. I’m lonely and unsatisfied in bed.

Nightingale:

…And?

Fergus:

I speak of none other than lovesickness! Unbearable cold grips my heart!
I beseech you, sweet lady with ample bosoms and a curvaceous tush!
I believe you can fill this void in my heart! What say you!?

Nightingale:

……
……

Mash:

Miss Nightingale, um, you can just turn him down…

Nightingale:

No. It is the instinct of a warrior to seek meaning in life on the battlefield. It is deplorable to assault a medic, but it is a different matter if I am the one who prescribes it.

Mash:

Ehhhhh!? S-So you’re…
You’ve giving him the OK!?

Nightingale:

Yes. I will take up this request, head-on.
After all, I am currently a nurse with some fighting ability.

Mash:

Oh, so that’s what you meant!

Fergus:

Ha ha ha ha! Conversely, I can convince you if I best you in battle!
Very well. I’ll take it! Master, it’s time to settle this. Here we go!

[battle]

Fergus:

Victory is ours!
By the way, my lady… Perhaps it was my imagination, but were you focusing all of your attacks on me?

Nightingale:

You imagined nothing. In any case, I must admit defeat.

Do with me as you please, Gudao. My body belongs to you.

Fergus:

Not me!?!?

Nightingale:

?
I believe this victory belongs not to the Servant, but to the Master who commands him.

Fergus:

How am I supposed to argue with that!?

  1. W-Wait a minute!
  2. Sorry, maybe next time!

[1] Mash:

Y-Yeah! That isn’t why our Master was fighting-
Right, Master? Riiiight?

[2] Mash:

That’s right! Senpai has a duty to save the world.
I believe that, um, unplanned detours are extremely dangerous!

Nightingale:

Oh, my. You triumphed, yet you demand nothing.
Then, until next time. Farewell, Gudao.

[Nightingale leaves]

Mash:

Phew… That was dangerous.
Though, I’m not really sure how to describe it…

Fergus:

Hmm. In the end, I failed. I must admit, my confidence is in tatters.

Mash:

U-Um, well. Despite your motives, I thought your straightforward advances were admirable.
I hope you’ll keep trying your best.

Fergus:

……
……

Lady Mash. After this, would you care to-

Mash:

No, thank you.

Fergus:

A shame.

Dr. Roman:

Master Fergus…

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