LEGEND OF THE SAMURAI

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for waiting! Today’s challenger is none other than a mysterious warrior from the Orient, a SAMURAI! May I present, Kojirou Sasaki!!!

[applause]

Mash:

How did this happen…?

Dr. Roman:

Her Imperial Majesty caught him hook, line and sinker.
This mess happened after she casually stopped by and asked if anyone wanted to play in the Collosseum.
Of course one of the most famous tyrants in history would tell us to fight for our lives as entertainment!
And now, a word from from our conscripted East Asian samurai.

Kojirou:

Hm, the Collosseum? Does it not strike you as a venue worth visiting?

Dr. Roman:

And why are you so familiar with it, Kojirou!? Are you here as a tourist!?

  1. You’re pretty calm.
  2. Aren’t you scared?

Kojirou:

Such is to be expected while one walks the path of the sword. Even the ancestors mentioned an itinerant lifestyle as part of one’s training.

Dr. Roman:

You’re so relaxed while you laugh… Samurai are amazing.

Kojirou:

Hm? On the contrary, Sir Roman. I am neither a warrior nor a samurai. I am but a stick-swinging ruffian.

Dr. Roman:

Say what!?

Kojirou:

There were times when I put down my sword to till the fields, after all. Farm labor has an elegance all its own.

Dr. Roman:

Wow… Now I’m wondering how you even became a Heroic Spirit…

Announcer:

And now, the first round! The SAMURAI versus the UNDYING COMPANY!

Dr. Roman:

Wait, what’s wrong with your opponents!? “Undying!?” Are those zombies!? Why are there skeletons!?

  1. Maybe we should leave this one to the Doctor.
  2. Roman’s awfully into this.

Mash:

Yes, he’s on the comms twice as much as he usually is. I suppose the Doctor has taken an interest in Ko- no, in samurai.

Kojirou:

Hm… Now then, let us fight!

[battle]


Kojirou:

Hrm. Striking bodies made of bone calls for some measure of restraint. I suppose I must pay more attention to my initial uptake and the penetration of the blade.

Announcer:

Overwhelming strength! Who in the world is this SAMURAI from the Orient!?!?
But his momentum may be at an end! His next challenger is a devil, a slayer of gladiators!
Our champion! Demon Sword, the Emissary of Hell!!!

Dr. Roman:

That’s a demon no matter which way you slice it! Isn’t there something wrong here!? Whatever happened to Roman rule!?

Mash:

Please calm down, Doctor. It looks like a man in a costume.

Dr. Roman:

Oh, okay. It’s just a show to get the crowd fired up, right? Wait, LIKE HELL IT IS!
Don’t the wings and tail strike you as weird!? This goes way beyond a costume!!!

Why’d the emperor hire something like this!? Is she stupid!? I’ve been getting those hints for a while, but is the Roman emperor an idiot!?
No matter how amazing of a samurai Kojirou is — sorry, I meant mountain man — that’s just too much!
Bushido or whatever never imagined something like this! Kojirou, forfeit the match! That’s enough!

Kojirou:

Ha ha ha. You’re such a worrier, Sir Rouman.
But your concern is unnecessary. I faced beasts in the mountains every day, that I did.
This one has the head of a bull, the trunk of a bear, and the limbs of an ape, I see. It is a worthy foe, though I must admit, a boring one.
Relax and watch the match, Sir Rouman. Now, Master, let us give them a demonstration of our skill!

[battle]


Kojirou:

Mm. Your immortality is worthy of Berserker. Perhaps you are no ordinary beast.

Announcer:

Incredible! He refuses to fall after taking so many attacks! Nothing less could be expected from our champion, the Demon Sword!

Dr. Roman:

They’re still talking about it like it’s a human soldier!? I’m lodging a complaint with Emperor Nero later!

Demon Sword:

URRGROAAAAAHHHH!!!

Mash:

Look out, Master!

Kojirou:

Hidden Sword — Tsubame Gaeshi!

Demon Sword:

GUUUAAAAAHHHHH!!!

[The demon falls]

Announcer:

……!!
S-Spectacular! Demon Sword has finally fallen, after a hundred consecutive victories!

Kojirou:

Finally exhausted your stock of lives. …*sigh*
I thought I’d finally face a formidable foe, but this was far from what I needed to develop a new technique.
Good grief. Will I ever encounter a target as difficult as the swallow I faced that day?

Dr. Roman:

Whoa whoa whoa whoa, there was something seriously wrong with the swallows in your day. They were Phantasmal Beasts, right? Phantasmal Swallows?

[applause]

Announcer:

A new champion has been born! His name is SAMURAI, the warrior from the Orient!
Citizens, please give a grand round of applause for the newest champion of the Collosseum!!!

Mash:

This has turned into quite the spectacle, Senpai.

  1. SAMURAI are amazing.
  2. Yeah, you’re totally SAMURAI.

Kojirou:

I don’t mind the cheering. I prefer to keep elegant airs, but this thunderous applause is welcome.
Sir Gudao, your aid was helpful. Let us have a victory toast.
They said they would give us a sack of rice as well, did they not? Ah, what a splendid city this is, where one can earn coin with martial skill!

[later, back in Chaldea]

Da Vinci:

…After that, the warrior from the Orient won victory after victory, and went down in Roman history as a great gladiator whom the people spoke of for generations to come…
So, you sure made your mark on Roman gladiatorial history. Do you have anything to say for yourself, Kojirou?

Kojirou:

No, I got rather carried away. Forgive me.

  1. Pretty impressive, taking down 100 people with Tsubame Gaeshi.
  2. Her Imperial Majesty was delighted, too.

Mash:

Kojirou, you were so popular. They even sold character goods based on you.
And Emperor Nero got so excited! She was shouting, “I’m going out as the hundredth challenger!”
But, since it was a positive change to history, maybe we should let this one slide.

Da Vinci:

No, it definitely wasn’t good! Romani, how are we going to fix this?

Dr. Roman:

Ah… History should have returned to normal, but you still managed to change it… What should we do, Fou?

Fou:

Foh!

Mash:

He’s saying “work overtime, as hard as you can.” Doctor, would you like some grilled eel we got for our victory?

Dr. Roman:

No! Send that back to Rome!

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